How Could That Be?

How could that be?

What makes me seem to be a manipulator to people?

I know I have control issues. I always have. But it wasn’t recognized until recently. I have spent valuable time trying to be better at that. Maybe that’s part of it.

I do have desired outcomes on things. Does that cause me to try and convince people? Does that make me a manipulator?

The people that are closest seem to have the most favorable opinion of me, and my parenting. Is it because some met me later in life? When I was more developed as a human? Possibly. It could definitely be a contributing factor. Maybe it’s because they see more of the interactions.

How does someone get labeled a narcissist? Do I have narcissistic characteristics? I think we all do. I mean, we’re all selfish. But I do not have a lack of empathy nor a sense of entitlement. Yeah, sometimes I want admiration, but that isn’t what drives me.

Why the anger and frustration? What did I do to you? Probably something, I’m sure. I’ve made a lot of poor decisions. But I regret none of them. I needed each of those moments to become who I have. I needed those moments to be a better parent for my amazing children. I needed those moments to be a better husband. One failed marriage is too many. But if not for that failed marriage, I wouldn’t have had to reflect so honestly with myself.

You may dislike the choices I have made in my life. And yes, you can question the motivation. I expect it. But making assumptions on what I do, and assuming I am this evil person to everyone, is childish.

Or maybe you think I am like you, and the people I have spent most of my life around? If so, it really shows a lot about your character. I don’t think I am better than anyone. And I will never forget where I come from. How can I? I frequent therapy, and Hometown USA is a common subject.

What’s the issue with considering my concerns, from my perspective? Are you afraid I might be right? I could be wrong also. But if you don’t even consider it, how can you know for sure?

Beyond that, how about respecting me as my children’s father? You may not agree with the way I choose to parent. That’s fine. But they are still my kiddos. Why would you attempt to undermine me? My authority? Do you believe in “Family”? Shouldn’t you respect your parents? Why would you want to undermine that, and intentionally sabotage any progress made? You haven’t been around. You don’t know the daily life that my family and I have.

If you don’t like the way I’m raising my kids, bring it up to me. If I am wrong, so be it. But I assure you, I put a lot of thought, effort, and intention into my decisions with my children. My wife and I have a conversation almost every single night about the kids, and our approach to parenting. It isn’t perfect, by any means. But were getting better every day.

“Getting better every day.” Now, that’s a concept to consider. I have goals, dreams, and ambitions. But my priority, right now, is being the best father I can be. They are going to need good examples, and reference points in their life. So a lot of effort goes in to providing, what I feel, are good examples.

In most situations, I try to consider how I would want any of my kids to deal with something. Ultimately, it makes me have to evaluate the situation more thoroughly. I have had to be more thoughtful. But you wouldn’t know that. I don’t know exactly why you feel the way you do. I just know it hurts. But, consider this. What if you are wrong?

Value placement. What is more important for you? Meaningful relationships with family, or trying to protect someone?

You only know part of any happenings when you only see one side of things.

I hate the divide that is present. But any time an attempt has been made, to open the door, you react negatively. I have spent a tremendous amount of time thinking about my individual relationship with a significant number of people. You included. Have you?

Think about how you have treated me. Think about the things you have said to, and about, me. Now consider someone doing it to the person you are trying to protect. Is it still okay?

Consider how I have treated you. Think about how I have been to you. Think about how I would respond when people were disrespectful to you. Think about how many times I have reached out. Think about the hypothetical fences you have witnessed me attempt to repair. You may not acknowledge it. Maybe you forgot. It happens. Especially when you have so much anger in your heart. I still care about you. And I hope you recognize the door is always open if you want to talk about things.